you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
