i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
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