Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
