if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
