Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
