i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
