I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
