You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
