I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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