I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize