He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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