Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
