Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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