Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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