i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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