it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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