Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize