God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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