Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
