woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
