I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
