I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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