only you would photoshop your dick
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
