Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
