I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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