Your mouth is God's brothel.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I think I am morally bankrupt
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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