i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
