it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Randomize
