WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Text me some of your sweat
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