I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
the raccoons are back...
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