I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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