so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
so much tequila, so little girl.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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