the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
