she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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