Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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