Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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