Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
