well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
