How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
