I want to stick my p in your. b.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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