I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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