The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
