where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
So squirting runs in the family.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
