I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
