Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
