My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
