well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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