I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
