one two three fourrrrnication!
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
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