I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
