Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
