My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
