I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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