My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
