theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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