Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
