I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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