if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
