I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
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