Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
