***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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