She is in my trunk
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
