More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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