I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
