Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize