I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
