I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
