The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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