i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
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Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
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What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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